The Power that Binds.

Do “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.”

Anais Nin


You are perhaps wondering why I choose that famous quote, and what it has to do with my topic. Every time I read that certain quote I substitute woman for slave. I believe in that deeper instinct, that deeper level of having a man who can compel my strengths, who can also make demands on those very same strengths, knowing that I am tough, I have courage, and that his strength is stronger, more powerful. That is the power that binds, not with mere ropes, or cuffs, but with something stronger, more complete, more lasting, the mind. The soul. The absolute power exchange, better known as the total power exchange, TPE.


Total power exchange (TPE) is a derivative of the concept of power exchange in a master/slave relationship. The term refers to a relationship where the dominant or owner has complete authority and influence over the submissive's life, making the majority of decisions. TPE is occasionally referred to as 24/7, denoting that protocol in the D/s relationship is in play anytime, anyplace and the dominant partner gets complete power at all times of the day, though most consider these terms to have somewhat different definitions.

Total power exchange was coined by Steven S. Davis in the newsgroup alt.sex.bondage during his debates with Jon Jacobs in the mid 1990s:
A TPE (Total Power Exchange) relationship, sometimes described as an absolute lifestyle d&s relationship ... is a relationship in which no impediment to the exercise of the owner's power is accepted ... Such things as safewords, contracts, negotiated limits, and anything else which recognizes / acknowledges / formalizes limits on the owner's power are inimical to TPE.
Jacobs disliked the term TPE and preferred to talk about absolute power exchange (APE), but both terms continued to be problematic for some people, including many who pursue these types of relationship, since the relationship is subject to the physical and the emotional limitations of the participants and therefore cannot genuinely be total or absolute. Partly as a result of these objections, the term internal enslavement (IE) was developed in 2000, and is used to better describe the state of mind of these kinds of consensual slave.

So my question is this: Is it possible? On a human level, can we have absolute or total power exchange with another human being? What power binds us to that other person, without falling into an abusive relationship. Or are those lines indiscernible?

I would like to believe that it is possible, that even tho at times those lines can be indiscernible, we can have that absolute power exchange, that total power exchange in the Master/slave relationship. For it is the power that binds us to one another. It is all about choices, the choices we make in our unique relationships. Do we simply choose to give up that power, that control, or do we fight it every inch of the way, and making those choices harder and harder.

In a little over a week, about ten days my Owner is coming to live with me. Not just for a day, a weekend, a week, but moving in lock stock and barrel. Into *my* home, into *my* bedroom. Into *my* life. What exactly does that mean, does that mean that it ceases to be *my* home, *my* bedroom, *my* life, or does it mean that I choose to give up that power and it becomes *his*. Does it mean that I choose to exchange one bit of power for another, one part of power for another, or do I fight it to regain some part of that power for myself. Quite the question isn't it.

We could fight the semantics of it all, or we could just go with the flow and exchange that power on a level that most will never obtain. I know there will be arguments, I know there will be struggles within that power exchange, I know there will be times of trials and errors. But I also know that he compels my strengths, just as I surrender to his. I know that trust is imperative to creating a relationship such as this, to any relationship, but in ours, it must be absolute, it must be total. For there are no ropes that shall hold me here, there are no chains that shall tie me to the surrendering of one's soul.

It is the power that binds me.

Behind the Mask. *Communication*. Part One.

It is time to take off the mask and communicate. My entire weekend has been spent with my Owner on taking off the mask and learning how to communicate. For some communicating is easy, but for me it is almost insurmountable at times. Most of the time when I am involved in an intimate relationship, I put on a mask and hide behind it, not sharing what is supposed to be my intermost thoughts, my feelings or emotions. My most patient Owner is teaching me that it is not only acceptable to rip off the mask and share emotions/feelings, but also necessary in order for a relationship to survive and thrive. The other night it started and was brought to my realization in a conversation that became heated and almost destructive, to tonight to yet another conversation in which I choose not to say anything for fear of starting another fight. And in both of those instances I learned a very valuable lesson.
That lessson being; To not only tear off that mask and throw it away, but also to open up and peel back the layers upon layers of *self* to expose the inner soul and its workings. How can I truly submit if I hide emotions and /or feelings from him, the most important man in my life. I would not only be deceiving myself and him but also our relationship and everything that it stands for. This will be the most challenging obstacle I will have to overcome and divest until my soul is susceptible for him.
What has started out as a journey of serving, and surrendering has now turned into a quest of the utmost importance. I must not only acquaint myself, sit at the feet and learn, but to gracefully accept the constructive criticism he offers and not take each and every part that is offered to only mean an affront. For me this is one of my biggest downfalls/insecurities in which I take myself to another realm and cut myself down, feeling that I have failed in some way, when in reality all I have done is failed to communicate.
He has shown me that communication is the number one factor in ensuring a relationship will work and not fail. In a sort of round about way, I begged him from the beginning to please open up to me and to please never hold back those feelings, so I could be allowed to see how his innermost thought process worked. And in turn he started to, has been trying to pry back his own layers from the past and open up, and I then in turn started to *clam* up even moreso. Funny creatures that we are, hating to show vulnerability to one another for fear of being laughed at, exposed with raw emotions/feelings.
I gave him a vow of surrendering all and yet hid the most important part of me, my soul. My inner being. Even tho my inner being is an intricate web of tangled thoughts and at times it is nearly impossible to separate those into tangible thoughts, it is something I must do. And the reasonings behind that is quiet simplistic, "I wish to for the sake of our relationship, and that is how much I love him.' I cannot say that the mask shall not perhaps be put back on at times, but I can assure that it shall always come off again also. Whether it be in that moment or later in other moments, and hopefully one day all together, for him.

This is the first part, and the second part can be read at 'laurie's' journal at www.darksurrender.com